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On Domestic Violence No One Wants to Hear the Truth, by Barbara Kay

Barbara Kay in the National Post

On Domestic Violence No One Wants to Hear the Truth

3 Comments

  • Laurna Tallman
    Jun 09, 2014 at 09:37 pm

    Hello, Barbara,
    You may remember me as the originator of a neurological theory of behavior that includes explanations for the cause and cure of mental illnesses as originating in the middle and inner ear. I cured our middle son’s schizophrenia with music and described my paradigm of right-ear-driven left-cerebral dominance in Listening for the Light.

    Our youngest son, who has shown phenomenal restraint as he has struggled with the severe bipolarity of his partner for almost four years, has twice been charged by her for crimes he did not commit. She has routinely battered him; he has only twice attempted to defend himself by throwing up his hands as she was leaping for his throat and his face and, most recently, but putting her outside in cold weather in an effort to snap her out of psychosis. (She was free to come back inside the house but she chose not to.) He discovered only after her last assault and charges that he was entitled to self-defense. She self-harms, then claims that our son has harmed her. My husband and I were witnesses to one such performance a year ago, which we recorded in detail and shared with our son’s attorney when he was retained for this case. Our son would have left her long ago, but they have three children to whom he is a gentle and caring parent. His dilemma comes from knowing from his formerly mentally ill brother’s abuse within both systems that neither the legal nor the psychiatric systems will help this woman to greater mental health. She has been resistant to my efforts to engage her in a music listening program that likely would increase her left-brain dominance, i.e., her rationality, perhaps because she has been much under the influence of the CAS and shelter programs you describe.

    The legislation, the so-called “rape shield law,” under which she is allowed to lay charges of assault without proof, is unconstitutional. It is in violation of the Charter of Rights and Freedoms because it denies her partner’s right to a fair trial. As US civil rights attorney Glen Greenwald mentioned in a recent interview, “You cannot prove a negative.” You cannot prove that you did not do something unless witnesses are present, which rarely is the case in domestic violence. Furthermore, this woman becomes so thoroughly psychotic under the influence of drugs and alcohol that her memory does not function, a neurological effect of alcohol and drugs on the right ear that I explain in my books. It is entirely possible that the lies she told the police are delusions she actually believes. Our son’s moral stance is that laying charges against this woman will only place her in a further destabilized state of consciousness whence she could become a serious threat to the safety of their children for whom she has primary custody at present — because she was the one who laid charges. I cannot disagree with him. We cannot afford to have the case taken to trial. Two similar cases two years ago have left us in dire financial straits. With bitter resignation, our son today perjured himself in a plea bargain that puts him in jail for 45 days (reduced to 30 days as it will be served consecutively), ties him to a probation officer for months, and puts him in “rehabilitative” courses to learn “anger management” that he has already demonstrated with stellar competence in his shed blood. He made this dreadful choice this morning because it will more speedily give him access to his traumatized children.

    I would add that two friends of his, one from a professional/business family I know and one whose partner self-harms then tells the police her partner did the damage, were on the court roster this morning along with at least four additional cases that appeared to have a similar structure. Evidently, young men such as these are taken in droves to the courthouse by police and are welcomed by lawyers who are lining their pockets along the route to jail. The social consequences for these young men are damning. At no time in the past two years in three cases for which we have paid has any attorney mentioned that unconstitutional legislation lies behind these Kafkaesque miscarriages of justice. I had to learn about that from the Toronto Star a couple of weeks ago when it was too late to make an impact on our son’s case.

    Thank you for your very helpful reporting on these matters. If parents of teenage boys had any idea of the peril under which they will enter the world of intimate relationships they might be ready to join the Canadian Association for Equality and write to their MPs begging for the repeal of the rape shield law and for truly equitable legislation.

  • David Currie
    Jun 11, 2014 at 03:31 pm

    Thank you for your media reports on these issues/Injustices/The wide spectrum of Neglect for Funding to support/protect male victims of female on male domestic abuses, violence, false allegations. For Your Interest Search: a1davedi@aol.com. Thank you for your interest and time.

  • Charles Ryan
    Jun 11, 2014 at 09:06 pm

    So funny! I was actually in a relationship with a woman with borderline personality disorder! I am such a caracature! Haha!

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